Afraid of the Future

Are you a person who finds the future a dreadful topic? Do you ever find yourself stressed and afraid of what your future will be?

I have anxiety everyday just thinking about the things I need to prepare for, the unknown change and where my life will end up. Thinking more on fear than reality, I find myself literally anxiously awaiting the future.

The problem I am creating is that there will always be a future. Ten years from now, I’ll be worry about something else… So breaking the habit now is key. I am wasting my life away worrying. I know it’s unhealthy and I know I need to find peace and security within.

I believe anxiety comes from past events that have occurred in a person’s life. I can relate. My parents’ divorce left me with an unknown future. I remember sitting in my room night after night worrying about the future of my family. Feeling the pain of divorce and the anxiety of my world, left me in a bad state of mind.

I never thought I would be the person who would be anxious. For the first fifteen years if my life I was happy and carefree. When a person goes through a devastating or scary change, they tend to build a wall to ward off any other change that is trying to occur. I know after my world was turned upside down, I build a huge wall. That, I believe, is where my anxiety comes from.

How does a person become more trusting of change?

Let’s Start F.R.E.S.H

Today might not be the day you are ready to start fresh. No one can force or push a person to start fresh if they are not ready. If you are ready today, then GREAT!! If you need more time then take that time! Here are FIVE types to help starting fresh a little easier…

 

F   orgive yourself for being angry. Forgive those around you that have hurt you. – Think of this forgiveness as a key to healing and finding peace within. Holding grudges or being angry with someone will only cause you more hurt. TRY to find that forgiveness. I know you can.

R emember that good things in life. Repeat to yourself what you are thankful for. Remember that life is too precious to waste on being sad and angry. REMEMBER you are worthy of a happy life.

E nergize your life. Keep active. Get up and do something fun. Let the joy of life back in your life. Its ok to smile!

S tay true to yourself. Be who you are and be confident. SHINE!

H eal with love. Surround yourself with love. Healing comes from finding the root of life. LOVE. Love yourself, your family, and those important in your life!!

 

Take the chance to find something fresh! Start today!!

 

GOOD LUCK! I’m here with you, cheering you on!

Who Chooses to be Alone?

Do you ever feel alone?

When I was fifteen and faced with my parents’ decision to get divorced, I felt so alone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to or relate to. It seemed at that time that I would forever be hurting alone in a world so big. How would I ever be able to smile again, to feel loved again, to feel worth something? … I figured this feeling of alone would stick with me forever.

I grew up in a small town where divorce was a big shock and people made up lies. The gossip began immediately and there were many false stories created about my family to keep the entertainment in town. For those people who live their lives for gossip and the entertainment from others’ pain, is mind-blowing. I felt suffocated. I felt alone. I was so ashamed for something my parents chose. But why was I so ashamed? Was it because of those people who felt it was their business to spread gossip? –absolutely.

I let those people affect my life. They brought me down and made me more angry at my parents and family, then I ever thought I could be. Gossip is a deadly thing. It can make a person drive right into depression. It hurts.

HOW TO OVERCOME THE POISON OF GOSSIP? .. or at least how I overcame it-

1. Remember that your life is your own

2. Remember that those you spread gossip have no life AT ALL

3. Remember the key is to heal through forgiveness and family

4. ALWAYS remember you are NEVER alone

5. Let those who being you down, motivate you to overcome this

 

Don’t let insecure, bored people bring you down. Take control of you life. Learn from my mistake, life is too short to worry about what others thing.

 

Don’t spread hate, spread love!!!!

 

A Moment of Me PART II

I walked into the front door of the school. It was the morning after I had found out my parents were splitting up. My normal routine of going to school seem the most comforting when it used to be the most dreadful. School was now like a place of peace and normality, well in some sense.

The thing about that day was that I didn’t even tell my friends. I just went on my day like normal with the outside of me looking happy. Little did anyone know, I was dying inside. My heart ached as if literally it had been ripped out of my chest with a bare hand.

I was so mad. My body was streaming inside and all I could do was smile. I was surrounded by faces. There was no escape for me. Once I felt too overwhelmed and knew I was about to fall apart, I rushed to the bathroom, where luckily I was alone. I remember sitting in a bathroom stale with my hand over my mouth as I began to cry. Not just a few tears, my pain I was holding in all day had just been released and I was clearly not okay. For the first time in my life I had no clue what I was going to do. My life had been ripped from underneath me and I didn’t know where I was going to go from here. I was a lost girl, hurt, sad, and confused. How was this happening to me? 24 hours prior I was a happy girl and now I am sitting in a bathroom stale on the bridge of a mental breakdown. WHY ME? – That was a question I asked myself for many years after.

The silence in the bathroom and the loudness in the head could drive a person crazy. Holding my ears, I shut my eyes and tried to take deep breathes. If I was going to have any chance of pulling myself together in order to return to class, I needed to keep breathing.

That’s one thing I’ve learned over the years… breathing is the cure for sanity.

If you have ever felt like you could see past pain, if you ever found yourself in a bathroom stale, let me tell you… It will get better.

At that moment when I found myself gasping for help, I needed someone to tell me it will get better. I am here to tell you: when you think you can’t find the light and you feel alone in the world, you are wrong. I am here to show you the light and tell you -I AM HERE! You are not alone. I went through it and survived! Stick with me and things WILL get better!

Road Block

Have you ever felt like you were on the right path of healing? You felt you were making progress and then you hit a road block?…Then you find yourself stuck.

My dad and mom have been divorce for almost six years now. I went to visit him today with my younger sister. As we were talking, he started to chock up and cried. To me, I get very frustrated. I am trying to keep peace in my life, move forward from a broken past and most of all HEAL. How can I fully heal when my father hasn’t heal at all.

Let me give you a little background:

My dad hasn’t healed from this divorce. He poured himself into his work and buried anything that related to talking about the issues. Every time I see my father, he cries at some point of the visit. His family never helped him heal, because they never talk about feelings. My dad continues to live but not really live his life.

So… Again, how am I suppose to move on completely if my road block is my father’s decision to bury it all and not more forward?

Its hard to see my dad sometimes, because I don’t want to deal with his emotions. I fear to even bring up sometime about my life or my mother, because I don’t want to upset him. I just don’t understand how the children of this divorce are willing to talk about their feelings but their parent doesn’t.

I have a huge road block in my life and have no idea how to get around it but to avoid it. –That’s not healthy, I know.

I think about him everyday and worry about his healthy, since he won’t truly enjoy his life. I think of the things I don’t do enough as his daughter, but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to move on. I want positivity in my life. Its hard for me to deal with something that I am afraid will never change.

If you ever feel like you have a road block in your life… I am right there with you.

Downsizing Dilemma

I read an article the other day that referred to the fast food world. The article “Care to downsize that order? Many want smaller portions” left me with a question, if people are willing to downsize their order, how is it so hard to downsize our lives?

Downsizing to many is the new trend, well maybe not their choice. The economy tanking didn’t help those who had to downsize their home, car, and life styles.Its a hard adjustment. Those who are forced to downsize might find it harder to accept.

How can people set themselves up for a better, happier life without having to be force to downsize?

The answer: Be your realist self.

I am not here to talk about the economy, downsizing from a five bedroom home to a two, I am here to talk about keeping your life simply and healthy. Set you life up for a no “downsizing” option.

People were happier when life was simple. Cell phones, the term “keeping up with the Jones”, and greed has turned this world into a unhealthy, struggling society. To keep yourself from falling deeper into that trap, find the simplicity of your life back again.

I don’t know how many times I felt trap in the battle to have all the newest things. My life is much happier when I am at my realist. STAY TRUE to who you are!

There is no need to set your life up for failure, stick with what feels right.

KEEP IT SIMPLE!

Happy Wednesday!

Below is the link to that article I read if you were interested! Enjoy!!!

http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/08/10353604-care-to-downsize-that-order-many-want-smaller-portions

Winter Tease: Escaping the Winter Blues

Today is 46 degrees, yesterday was 45 degrees, and there is not a sight of snow in the seven day forecast. Its February and I am in Ohio. The sun is shining and my body is telling me spring is only a couple of weeks away. It this a winter tease, Mother Nature?

I hope so!

In reality, I think Mother Nature might have a little surprise up her sleeve. Since this winter has been pretty easy going, I am wondering if I will escape the winter blues this year.

For those that are not as lucky in escaping the winter blues, let’s look for the positive. Winter blues are kind of like a mini depression only you don’t have to deal with all of the pain and mess that is left behind.

So let’s just keep the winter blues, the winter blues and not call it a “mini depression”. It sounds better anyways.

I remember two winters ago, I was living in a junky, cold, creepy, and old house. That’s college life for you!! That winter was brutal. I was living in a freezer, well at least that is how it felt. Eleven windows just in my bedroom and I was wearing my coat to bed. The winter blues had never been that bad until I felt the same way I did when I was at home and when I was outside. That was a problem.

I found myself slipping into a depressed mode. I began to freak out, the thought of even feeling some sort of depression again gave me anxiety. When dark thoughts got to me, I had to find ways to pull myself out of it. The hard thing was that I couldn’t find happiness. The dark, gray days made me tired and sad. It wasn’t like I could go outside for a refreshing run (which is my therapy to this day), I would probably have slipped on ice and that would just make things worse.

I remember telling my mom that it would be easier to just come home and live in a warm environment that continue to go to school. Her response, “You can get through it. It will get warmer before you know it.” — Coming from the lady that keeps her house at 70+.

After that long, depressing winter, I had to teach myself to escape the winter blues. I wasted a lot of time being so sad that year.

My regime for this winter: keep positive, keep active, and breathe.

It’s important to keep active. I try to go to the gym three to four times a week. If that’s not possible, try doing yoga in your home. Any activity can help keep you feeling good about yourself. They do say people gain more weight in the winter than in any other season, which is a cause of the winter blues. Plus you have much more energy on days that you do activities or exercises! I know everyone could use a little more energy in their day!

Keep positive. Think of the benefits to winter. I know you are all thinking, is that even possible?! Winter sucks, I know, but trust me! This is time to do that house project you always wanted to do. Winter is a time to be in doors, so use that time to make family game night or movie night. Think of all the positive things you have in life and enjoy them.

And breathe. When you find yourself worked up, anxious, or sad, take deep breathes. Breathing is the best thing you can do to keep calm.

No matter if it is summer, winter, spring, or fall, life keeps moving. Depression or the winter blues is nothing you can’t defeat.Don’t allow your body to choose how you will be. Take control and fight it. Keep living- life is too short to let winter stop you from having a happy life!

*DON’T SURRENDER*

A Moment of Me.

I want to use my blog as an inspirational, healing and uplifting site, however, once a week I am going to do a moment of me (moment of truth) blog. These will consists of my actual experiences I went through from divorce, change, and ending friendships. I want to be able to share with you my experiences with all detail and emotions. I hope you can relate. Look for A Moment of Me blogs once a week as a continuation from the previous week. This could get very interesting. Here goes nothing…

 

It was a cold, winter night. I was 15 years old, a freshman in high school. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. My mom had just made us all grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner. As she put the last dish in the sink, she called us all to the living room. My dad, two sisters (one older, one younger), and my mom all gathered in the room.

I sat down worried something happened to someone we knew. I thought maybe someone was sick. The look in my mom and dad’s eyes looked a little worried, but I had no clue what was really about to come out of my mom’s mouth. “Your dad and I love each other, but we are going to see how it is to be a part.”

My world came crashing down. It an instant my life was nothing I knew.

I just melted into a pile of tears. These were the two people in my life that were always there and my security, now they have failed too. Life as I knew it was over.

I can’t recall the rest of the conversation my parents, sisters, and I had that night. Once those words were said, everything went numb.

I remember walking into my room, shutting the door behind me, and bury my head into my favorite pillow. I cried. My mind was full of words and thoughts. It was like loud music playing in my head, banging and clanging. When was this going to stop? The noise, the loud, loud noise!

It eventually stopped, the music that is, and everything went black.

—-

Looking back at that night, that was the last time my family of five would ever be in the same room. What I would give to have that back, one more moment as a family of five.

My parents never fought. They seemed to be in love always. That is what made it so hard to comprehend. I didn’t want to believe it, it just seemed so wrong.

Healing take so much time, this is just the beginning of my story. The night that changed my life.

 

Keep watching each week for a new “A Moment of Me” and I’ll keep sharing my story!!!

Life as a Sport

I am sitting at a basketball game, watching two teams battle it out for the tittle of “winner”. They try to convince the refs that it “wasn’t them.” “I didn’t touch that guy!” On the other side, they are playing as a team. Five players work hand in hand to win. They have to share the ball, communicate, and work together towards one goal.

Life is kind of like a game of basketball. Am I really talking about sports right now? Maybe it’s my way of getting through this game without falling asleep. But if you really think about it, life is all about communicating with the people in your life.

Take a marriage for example, two people work together to make a life together. They co-parent, pay bills, buy houses, and have to have good communication. As in all relationships, it is essential to be open, honest, and communicate with respect.

I have been one of those people who kept all my feelings in. When my parents got divorced I found myself bottling up all emotions, anger, and hurt I was feeling. It’s hard as a person to alway communicate. It’s hard to be open with people who let you down. Keeping in your emotions, however, is self damaging to yourself. Pinned up anger can turn a person to a world depression. I was a walking case of that.

I let all my communicational skills I learned go out the window apparently. I refused to talk. What did that do?
Absolutely nothing good. All it did was cause more anger and rage than I had before.

Talk. Talk. Talk. Don’t ever stop communicating. Trust me, in order to move forward you have to communicate. If you feel like you have no one to talk to… Talk to me! I will listen!

Life is too short! Xoxox

Somedays Are Just Gloomy

Its ok to feel bad somedays. Its ok to lay in bed and feel sad. It is ok to cry. Let those emotions have their time and let them pass.

I don’t always feel 100 percent, especially when I find myself very stressed. I sometimes think of those gloomy days as the best days to get my rest. Its impossible to always be happy and to keep a smile on your face. Why do people frown upon people who have bad days? I say, have them. I think if your body is telling you to be sad, let it be sad. Its ok to have those days, just as long as they don’t occur often.

I have a friend who went through a terrible, unexpected break up with her boyfriend. It hit her like a ton of bricks and in a matter on one text message, she had lost her best friend. The pain that this man caused her is heartbreaking. No matter what she tried to do, she couldn’t heal. We talked almost everyday. I tried to use my experience with divorce to help her cope. To me, divorce is like a break up, your family is literally broken a part. Everyday she seemed to be in the same place, hurt and depressed. In this case, having a gloomy day was taking over her life. When you find yourself day after day feeling sad and depressed, you lose a lot of your life.

Having a gloomy day here and there is perfectly fine. I have them periodically and to me, its ok to feel moody, emotional and sad. The only thing I advise you all, if at any point in allowing yourself a day of gloom, give yourself a week of sun. Be happy, be positive, and smile 6/7 days of the week. Life is too short to always live in the gloom.